Last year I was fortunate enough to travel to India for work. I only had about one day of sightseeing during the whole trip. It was a difficult trip emotionally and professionally – I lost an employee to suicide and found some employees who didn’t feel they were treated fairly. Unfortunately all in a day’s work for an HR Director. But there were a lot of things I was beginning to love about India.
The driving - why sit there backed up in two lanes when 5 cars can easily fit? It actually makes sense to drive outside the lines.
The drivers - because I can't drive like that – they drive on pure faith.
The sexism - women get their own lines for airport check in and screening, buying tickets to temples, etc. and since there are no women, no waiting! I just zoom right in!
The unnecessary concern for my personal welfare - "Please, ma'am, put that barbell down! It is too heavy for you!" "Please, Ma'am, I will drive you, it is not safe" "Please ma'am, take these water wings if you are going to swim in the ocean!"
Wait, wait, wait - what? Water wings? I grew up in Hawaii. I could swim before I could walk – we all could. Just toss us in and see what happens! I don't think I need water wings.....unless I am required to swim in a full length dress and pants.
One of our staff was kind enough to take me sight seeing on the day I had free. Bless her! We hit temple after temple on our way to Puri - a Hindu holy sight and beach town. We stopped for fresh coconut on the way (guy takes a machete, chops the head off the young coconut, slaps a straw in it and when you are done, pops the whole thing open and scoops out the meat with the back of the shell - yum!) and then stopped for Chinese food.
I figured I would get a life threatening illness from my dirty activities that day, but it was FUN! Machete wasn't so clean and neither was the guy, but he really wanted his picture taken and it was so awesome to just toss my leftover coconut and plastic straw over an embankment........wait, that part freaked me out because I live in Seattle and would probably be kicked out of the neighborhood association so I kept the straw in my bag the rest of the day looking for a plastic recycling bin. They don’t really have them in India, so I carried it a long time.
We drove into the beach town of Puri and it was HOT. We rented two plastic chairs under a tarp because Indians are somewhat obsessed with pale skin and my guide didn't want to get any darker. We had a giant argument about which was better dark or light (growing up in Hawaii doesn't make you value pale skin, we call that "shark bait"). I took off my shoes with the intention of just wading in the water because I couldn't find a place to change out of my salwar suit into a new one if I got it all wet. Everyone already told me to NOT EVEN THINK about wearing a bathing suit or even shorts and a t shirt because it would be vulgar - everyone swims in saris or salwar kameez. Right! Like I am swimming in a dress and pants - this isn't the rainbow gathering!
As I got closer to the Pacific, I saw the sweet, sweet shore break. It was hot, the ocean smelled so salty and cool, there was hardly anyone in the water (we will find out why later!) I was physically called to dive in, dress and pants and all. Swam out past the break which was decent when all of a sudden, some guy in a pointy hat shows up next to me and hands me an inner tube thingey. I was like "who are you and why are you wearing that hat? I am wearing the damn dress and pants, now I have to wear a tube? What is with this place?" Apparently, it was a lifeguard and they were concerned that I was drowning. So much for learning to swim before I could walk. I swam in and asked my colleague to explain to this guy to leave me alone so I could swim - I promised not to drown. He finally relented and I went back out for a good 30 minutes of uninterrupted body surfing.
It was pure bliss - I miss the water. I miss the feeling you get when you dry out and salt covers the hair on your arms and you are slightly burnt and feel like you know what a roasted peanut feels like before it is put in the can. I love that feeling. But we had to go, so I headed to the public shower. Yeah, you know where this is going, don't you?
The driving - why sit there backed up in two lanes when 5 cars can easily fit? It actually makes sense to drive outside the lines.
The drivers - because I can't drive like that – they drive on pure faith.
The sexism - women get their own lines for airport check in and screening, buying tickets to temples, etc. and since there are no women, no waiting! I just zoom right in!
The unnecessary concern for my personal welfare - "Please, ma'am, put that barbell down! It is too heavy for you!" "Please, Ma'am, I will drive you, it is not safe" "Please ma'am, take these water wings if you are going to swim in the ocean!"
Wait, wait, wait - what? Water wings? I grew up in Hawaii. I could swim before I could walk – we all could. Just toss us in and see what happens! I don't think I need water wings.....unless I am required to swim in a full length dress and pants.
One of our staff was kind enough to take me sight seeing on the day I had free. Bless her! We hit temple after temple on our way to Puri - a Hindu holy sight and beach town. We stopped for fresh coconut on the way (guy takes a machete, chops the head off the young coconut, slaps a straw in it and when you are done, pops the whole thing open and scoops out the meat with the back of the shell - yum!) and then stopped for Chinese food.
I figured I would get a life threatening illness from my dirty activities that day, but it was FUN! Machete wasn't so clean and neither was the guy, but he really wanted his picture taken and it was so awesome to just toss my leftover coconut and plastic straw over an embankment........wait, that part freaked me out because I live in Seattle and would probably be kicked out of the neighborhood association so I kept the straw in my bag the rest of the day looking for a plastic recycling bin. They don’t really have them in India, so I carried it a long time.
We drove into the beach town of Puri and it was HOT. We rented two plastic chairs under a tarp because Indians are somewhat obsessed with pale skin and my guide didn't want to get any darker. We had a giant argument about which was better dark or light (growing up in Hawaii doesn't make you value pale skin, we call that "shark bait"). I took off my shoes with the intention of just wading in the water because I couldn't find a place to change out of my salwar suit into a new one if I got it all wet. Everyone already told me to NOT EVEN THINK about wearing a bathing suit or even shorts and a t shirt because it would be vulgar - everyone swims in saris or salwar kameez. Right! Like I am swimming in a dress and pants - this isn't the rainbow gathering!
As I got closer to the Pacific, I saw the sweet, sweet shore break. It was hot, the ocean smelled so salty and cool, there was hardly anyone in the water (we will find out why later!) I was physically called to dive in, dress and pants and all. Swam out past the break which was decent when all of a sudden, some guy in a pointy hat shows up next to me and hands me an inner tube thingey. I was like "who are you and why are you wearing that hat? I am wearing the damn dress and pants, now I have to wear a tube? What is with this place?" Apparently, it was a lifeguard and they were concerned that I was drowning. So much for learning to swim before I could walk. I swam in and asked my colleague to explain to this guy to leave me alone so I could swim - I promised not to drown. He finally relented and I went back out for a good 30 minutes of uninterrupted body surfing.
It was pure bliss - I miss the water. I miss the feeling you get when you dry out and salt covers the hair on your arms and you are slightly burnt and feel like you know what a roasted peanut feels like before it is put in the can. I love that feeling. But we had to go, so I headed to the public shower. Yeah, you know where this is going, don't you?
I paid a few rupees for a spigot 3 feet off the ground. Problem was, I was blasted with sand - it was everywhere and still is. So I washed off as best I could and then headed back to dry in the sun. The water was dubious the shower pretty funky, so I did what I could and got back to the beach. Salwars are pretty light material, so I figured 15 minutes would do it. I even changed into a t shirt and wrapped myself in a scarf so as not to appear indecent while my dress dried.
I guess a lot of women don't sit in the sun drying their wet clothes so they can hit the monkey temple (monkey temple! I know! I know!), so we attracted quite a crowd. I had a guy singing some Bollywood love song to me while these other guys kept walking by and clandestinely taking my picture. If I pass for Pamela Anderson here in a wet pair of pants and half burka, I am kind of thinking about staying. Except the singer guy was clearly batshit crazy and the camera guys looked like a frat boy assault team "dude, you know how my dad owns the Ford dealership in Udiapur? Well he got me a sweet deal on an F150! Did you see that chick in the wet burka, she totally wants me, dude."
We finally left and headed to the world's coolest temple. There are all kinds of carvings from the kama sutra on the temple because it is supposed to distract evil spirits from entering the temple - I guess they just stand outside and "enjoy" themselves. Works for me, I didn’t leave for a good 45 minutes.
The next day I was off to Calcutta to hunt for the market that sells Bollywooded Che Guevera shirts which means he is glittery and wearing eye liner.
I guess a lot of women don't sit in the sun drying their wet clothes so they can hit the monkey temple (monkey temple! I know! I know!), so we attracted quite a crowd. I had a guy singing some Bollywood love song to me while these other guys kept walking by and clandestinely taking my picture. If I pass for Pamela Anderson here in a wet pair of pants and half burka, I am kind of thinking about staying. Except the singer guy was clearly batshit crazy and the camera guys looked like a frat boy assault team "dude, you know how my dad owns the Ford dealership in Udiapur? Well he got me a sweet deal on an F150! Did you see that chick in the wet burka, she totally wants me, dude."
We finally left and headed to the world's coolest temple. There are all kinds of carvings from the kama sutra on the temple because it is supposed to distract evil spirits from entering the temple - I guess they just stand outside and "enjoy" themselves. Works for me, I didn’t leave for a good 45 minutes.
The next day I was off to Calcutta to hunt for the market that sells Bollywooded Che Guevera shirts which means he is glittery and wearing eye liner.
I love India.
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