Do you want fries with that?

After relocating back to Hawaii after a 20 year career in Human Resources on the mainland, I had a hard time finding a good job.  Most of the businesses are pretty small and don't need HR and there is some overabundance of PEOs for a market so small.  Those that say they want HR really want a clerical person to fill out the never ending State TDI and Worker's Comp Claim forms.  They want a baby-sitting, dress code citation writing, quiet, person that likes to sit in a chair every day from exactly 8:02 a.m. until 5:02 p.m. with a break for lunch.

They DO NOT want a loud, incredibly funny person that isn't that great at paperwork but can swing a mean benefits negotiation, build an incredible culture, turn almost any employee situation around, make the workforce fun and productive and can't sit in a chair longer than 15 minutes at a time unless at a meeting.  The desk stuff is what I do when I get home at night.  Work time is for people, not paper.

I interviewed at a company that had a minimum wage poster up from 1993 - still up.  Really.  I kept that one.  In general, I don’t sweat the technical violations, but every story I heard, places I interviewed and worked, were walking lawsuits.

Hawaii’s minimum wage is currently $7.25 and I have heard too many stories from people I trust about people being paid less or short paid or had their paychecks bounce and other more extreme violations of the FLSA, to make me think a lot of places aren’t even sticking to that basic standard.  But if all the small business owners are complaining that they can’t afford $7.50, I guess I need you to explain to me why you live on any mountain, or Hawaii Kai or Kailua or Kahala, you drive a car that costs more that the GDP of Ghana and your kids all go to Iolani.  And, um, secret is out, we know you paid cash for that tuition.

I interviewed a few places and they all told me the same thing, "Bring proof of your eligibility to work in the US to the interview".  After the 10th time I helpfully pointed out that it was illegal, that, in fact, it was right on the first page of the I9 and I showed them.  This is HR 101, this is not labor negotiations or executive compensation, this isn’t hard.

Look, illegal immigration is bad, m'kay?  But I just really don't see a lot of people driving up from across the border to “steal” jobs.  Micronesians, the new immigrant group that is most prevalent in Hawaii, are all legally allowed to work in the US because we blew up their counties testing our nuclear bombs.  Other groups have undocumented family members working at family businesses, but they really aren't going to be submitting I9s for them, much less issuing any tax documents.  It is weird, this obsession with the I9.

I have heard multiple stories of people being subjected to "drug tests" by mouth swab during an interview by a RECRUITER.  Are you fucking serious?  You are going to let some Community College kid stick his grubby little fingers in your mouth to take a sample of your BODY in an interview?   So many companies drug test you would think we were all training to be NASA flight engineers or something.  Aside from being totally illegal AT THE INTERVIEW STAGE, studies have shown that companies that drug test have a LOWER productivity rate of 20% or more.  Frankly, unless you are Ann Coulter, who really cares if the pool guy is baked? 

I found some projects with several companies that reinforced more deeply what I was seeing on interviews.  Willful FLSA violations notably for assumed theft, uniforms, breaks that weren’t taken, paychecks that couldn’t be cashed, docked pay for exempt workers.  No response to or from government agencies unless you file a civil complaint where the fine for violation is $30 and I am not kidding.  My favorite, however, is the little game we play with benefits.  So if you work at least 20 hours per week for 4 consecutive weeks, you have to offer insurance.  “You work 40 weeks until the last week and we just didn’t have more than 15 hours available to you so I guess you have stay on Quest (public assistance)”  Sorry!.  This is a major violation of ERISA and is already being warned about on the mainland in the wake of the implementation of the ACA.  I guess you couldn’t afford to pay your employees benefits because you had to hire a pool guy that wasn’t smoking up all day. 

I decided to supplement my project and consulting work with a seasonal job while I was waiting for more opportunities to come in Q1. 

So I went to Craig's List and applied for several restaurant jobs and retail jobs - jobs that paid my way through college and are the staple of the Hawaiian economy.  I had two restaurant interviews.  I saw and heard the candidates ahead of me.  Young women in short shorts and flip flops chewing gum and saying they didn't know the difference between a red and white wine.  Me, with an extensive (perhaps overly extensive) knowledge of wine and pairings, demonstrated upselling, ability to speak some Japanese, dressed professionally with a resume that wasn't written in crayon but - guess who got the jobs?  Kayla from Florida and Madison from Ohio who thought a CabFranc was a type of hotdog and a Meritage was a city in France, Las Vegas.   Have fun girls!

Retail was next.  To apply, you had to do the normal, finger numbing "virtual application" even after you have uploaded your resume.  I don't get the point of this - aren't they supposed to read the information from the resume?  Anyway, after you do that, you play a series of video games (I think they are video games, but I really was just a Frogger girl) depicting different scenarios and you choose the best answer!"

You see Betsy swipe a $20 from the register and put it in her pocket.  She asks you not to say anything.  What should you do?  (show video of subtly ethnic Betsy putting $20 in her pants)
A.  Whip out your bag of crank and ask her if she wants more than last week?
B.  Tell her you won't tell if she lets you make out with her boyfriend
C.  Make a citizen's arrest
D.  Call your manager

I have to say I felt like Barbara Ehrenriech in Nickel and Dimed except I really needed the money. 

I have met some of the most outstanding HR people, business leaders, service providers and employees here.  I know the HR folks are trying to do the right thing but are stuck in the never-ending loop of “the nail that sticks out the most gets hammered down the hardest.”  I really enjoyed the holiday work I did and most of the people I have worked with, but when the rubber hits the road, there is something very very wrong here.

The people of Hawaii, paid for my elementary, intermediate, high school and undergraduate education.  My parents didn’t believe in shelling out $20k a year for an education I could have gotten at the library.  I supplemented by waiting tables and working retail, taking home a pound of coleslaw that was going to get tossed for food.  It would be a complete insult to the opportunities they, the people of Hawaii, have afforded me if I didn’t point these morally reprehensible practices out.  I have tried, I really have.  I offered free business compliance checks, a website with a do it yourself checklist, letting people know the second I saw something illegal, letting business leaders know about their personal financial responsibility for illegal and discriminatory decisions they made to no avail. 

Like me, you are not a title on a business card. We are human beings with families and friends and a desire to stay in the place we were born or the place we came to love.  We keep asking, “Why does all the talent go to the mainland?”  This is why.  And the inane idea that software developers would be conscious at an 8 a.m. meeting.  Those of us from here that went to school or worked on the mainland saw progressive cultures whose biggest honor didn’t go to the “perfect attendance of the quarter”, it went to those that produced, not were merely present.  We wanted to be rewarded for more than just showing up.  We saw companies that offered benefits for our families that didn’t force our children or partners to be on public assistance, care and concern for our professional development, flexible work schedules and a legally compliant workplace, if not a compassionate one.

I am perfectly aware that I am completely ineligible for hire in Hawaii after this.  But what about you?  What about the opportunities for your kids?  What about these wages?  What about your rights?

I don’t just think fair pay and compassion for human beings is just for me, it is for us and the people that come after us.  I can, and am, planning to get back to the mainland as soon as possible.  Good riddance to loud rubbish, you might say.  But think about what we want our lives to be, what we want our communities to be and stop taking the pennies that are thrown to shut us up. 

Officially, fuck that.

 

Jennifer Keys, SPHR

Diploma, Kaiser High School

BA, UH Manoa

Dropout, Johns Hopkins University