Chicken or fish?

Perth gets high marks for it’s friendly people and sheer hangout-ability of the place.  I took the train to Freemantle yesterday, which is at the junction of the ocean and Swan River and a local favorite for the market.  The market is almost exactly like Pike Place, but smaller.  I didn’t really do much shopping as I am not currently in the market for a didgeridoo or boomerang.  Should I ever be, I know where to find a bunch.

The cafes and pubs are all open air, so it is fun to just sit and watch people walk by.  I was adopted by an older couple from the suburbs and they took me around to all of the local hangouts, which was really cool and incredibly nice.  We headed to the local lunch spot for fish and chips.  They were a bit tipsy by now, but thankfully, they knew where they were going.   We hit the world’s most crowded restaurant and Gerald went to grab a table outside while Marlene and I ordered the food.

I have been a vegetarian for 26 years.  The last piece of meat I ate was a McDLT in 1985.   I didn’t have the most righteous reasons for it other than Morrissey had the Meat is Murder song with cows mooing and I thought he was hot.  One day, I just stopped eating it.  I have to admit I am still disappointed that he hasn’t thanked me or come to visit. I used to sit in the hell that is high school and look out the windows and fantasize that he would come save me from chemistry class.  Apparently, I thought I gave off bat signal or something.  About 4 years ago, I decided to start eating shellfish because I really wanted some clam chowder.  I can still only eat a very small amount of that or I get woozy.  I was at a fish and chips stand, what to do? 

I ordered the smallest amount of fish you could order – shrimp on the Barbie (I so want to see a line of plastic Barbies lined up with shrimp outfits like when Bjork wore that swan).  It was like the Costco of fish and chips places – massive amounts of food.  I got fat just looking at my plate.  I could only stomach 2 shrimp and then started in on the fries.  I don’t eat fries at home (unless I have been hiking and we stop at Red Robin), but I have been on a flat out French fry bender in Australia.  It is like after two and a half weeks of rice, I am trying to reaffirm my potatoey heritage.  So I went to town on the fries.  Gerald finished my shrimp, thankfully.  I hate for things to die in vain.  Train in Vain is perfectly acceptable, even endorsed, however.  I used to apologize to diet coke cans after throwing them away, but now I just let it ride.

I remember hearing a quote from Jessica Simpson where she allegedly said “Is that what chicken or fish?” when confronted with a can of tuna (chicken of the sea) and it made me suddenly like her.  I don’t actively dislike her or any other random celebrity. Except those horrible people on the Real Housewives.  Kandi from Atlanta is OK, but yuck!  The other ones make Snooki look classy.  And don’t ask why I know so much about the Real Housewives or Jersey Shore when I am supposed to be an intellectual.  Now I feel dirty.  Noam Chomsky, Noam Chomsky, Noam Chomsky.  Whew!  Better. 

Perth is a beautiful city – it is on a gorgeous river, the weather is fantastic and the people are lovely, but I think 4 days here is going to do it.  It reminds me of Austin when SXSW isn’t playing – a great place to live and hang out with your friends.  But my friends are all in Seattle or Hawaii or New York, and I miss them.  Plus, I need to start looking for a job.  I can eek by on consulting for a few companies, but I really do love my day job.  I only hope prospective employers don’t find this blog and decide that I am the world’s most inappropriate candidate to head their HR department.  (I am really good at it though – I am a walking encyclopedia of labor law and immigration in four countries and employees don’t think I am stodgy because I really don’t care what they wear and can speak in binary.  Hire me!  You know you want to – I make staff meetings fun!  And I don’t think employee morale is about giving people a balloon and cookie – it is about meaningful work and taking care of your people so they can take care of their families.  Preachy – sorry about that.  Just hire me so I shut up and start analyzing your compensation structure.)

Where was I?  Australia!  Did I mention they have a Target in Perth?  You can consider that whole unpacking, drug screening and touching a little too aggressively incident forgiven, Australia.  I love you again thanks to your abundance of French fries and Targets.  

Off to the park.  I was told that is where the sailors hang out. I am not really planning on picking anyone up (especially at 7 in the morning – why can’t I sleep in like normal people?  I may as well sleep in a toaster so I can pop out of bed at 4 a.m.  Why yes, that was a Garfield reference.  Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?), I just want to be able to say, “hey sailor!” one time in my life.  But if I get invited on a tour of a submarine, I am going.   I think I am breaking up with fries, though.  They charge extra for ketchup here.